Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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