I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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