I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
