Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
