I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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