But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
