Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
