My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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