FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
