i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
