I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
