from now on my penis is your penis
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
