the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
