it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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