So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
