We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
