ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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