Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
