im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
