Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
