Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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