her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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