Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
