FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
