Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
