dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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