she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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