is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
