4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
