some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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