so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
