Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
