Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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