I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
