The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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