You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
