Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
