between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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