So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
