brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
