A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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