I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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