Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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