you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
