I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
