she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
