So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
