It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
