Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't turn off my feet"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
