Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
