dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
