I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
