Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
