how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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