Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
