There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i need to put some appletini on your dick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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