I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
