Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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