i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
