the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
