I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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