Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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