I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
