I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
