Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
