Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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