ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
