toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
vagina is talking i cant
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
