Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize