there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
