I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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