I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
